“Everybody’s got somebody.”
“You will be waiting a long time for ‘Mr. Right’.”
“You don’t want to wait too long to get married, your clock is tickin‘!”
“Just settle, nobody is perfect.”
NEWS FLASH !!!
This is not the time to speak loneliness over your life because honey, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. This is not the time to covet people’s relationship and develop a jealous spirit. This is not the time to give up on believing that God loves you. This is not the time to show your tail off for men so that they can “hit it” and run. This is not the time breed babies to fill in your voids. This is not the time to settle with dating someone of the same sex because dating the opposite sex is not “working“!!
Just because you are single it does not mean it is the end of your world. You are just in a season of single-hood at this moment in your life. It is the time of our lives that we are to enjoy, not mope around wishing we were “in love”.
Remember that in our single days, we want to make the best out of it. This is highly important because we have a purpose to complete and our lives have already started a long time ago. Though we live our own independent lives, other individuals’ lifestyles are right before our eyes. Their marriage, family, and/or career is out on display for all the world to see. We naturally gravitate to comparison – observing someone else and identifying similarities or contrasts in your life – when we should be focusing on our own lives.
Remember that as a child of God, we have our own special purpose. Our single days are only for a season. If you know that God has placed the desire in your heart for you to be married, then He will grant it to you some time in your life. We do not have to be on the look out for our soul mate. Love will come. So for the time being, focus on allowing God to work in your heart and your being as a whole.
Just as God is preparing you for greater, the spouse that is in store for you may be in their preparation phase as well. You may have scars in your heart that needs healing. You may have soul ties leached onto you that you must be delivered from BEFORE you walk into another season. God may be trying to reveal something great within you that you are blinded from seeing.
There are many times that I have made mistakes and fallen short. I am constantly being tested by my word. So in order for me to keep myself from running impatient, jumping ahead of God’s will, I have learned to channel my energy into getting to know the love of God. I have focused on getting to know His ways, who He is to me, and why He loves us so. Since He knows what is best for me, I have allowed the Lord to develop me into the woman whom He desires for me to be. I have learned to trust and rely on the Lord by taking delight in Him during any circumstance. For I believe that He will bless me with the desires of my heart.
Psalm 37:4-7a says:
“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires.
Commit everything you do to the Lord.
Trust him, and he will help you.
He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn,
and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.
Be still in the presence of the Lord,
and wait patiently for him to act.” NLT
Therefore, during your season of single-hood, count it all joy. Appreciate the time given and be thankful for all that our Heavenly Father has done for you. Trust that He will renew and transform your mind. Be transparent and pray for a clean heart. Ask God to remove every bit of hurt, regret, shame, guilt, anger, and envy. He knows your heart’s desire, but at this moment wait patiently.
We should not want to hold on to anything that prevents us from building healthy relationships. If we are hesitant with building relationships, then how can we welcome our future husband/wife into our lives? PRAY for God to develop within you characteristics that your future husband or wife desires such as:
- High self-esteem
The list goes on!
Do you know who you are? Do you know your likes and dislikes? Or do you allow people to talk you into making decision that is contrary to your purpose? Do you know how much God loves you?
Are you still man/woman-hopping? Why? This causes our emotions to get caught up into relationships that were not meant to begin in the first place. Hook-ups and break-ups can wear on us. It causes soul ties to be leached onto our spirit which then causes unneeded dis-functionality in our soul. Who has the time?! When we hook-up with a random, this shows that we are either unsure of our worth, we are craving attention, or we may have voids needed to be filled. Once we begin thinking that a man or woman is “interested“, we begin to smile inside and do what it takes to keep their attention on us. The two of you are then a couple with no trust, no accountability, and no respect. Time flies by and next thing you know you think you are “in love“. Come to find out, majority of the time they have not treated you as if you were worthy to them. For women, maybe they have only by showering you down with materialism. Gifts are great, but what can he do for you spiritually? Don’t you remember the feeling of being brokenhearted? How does it feel once you find out that the random you were with was no longer interested?…Why go in this same circle?
Know your identity, your worth, your purpose, your future, and the love that God has for you.
Discover your likes and dislikes.
Whether you are hanging out with friends or spending time alone, find ways to experience life in a new perspective. As you are lead by the Lord, find adventures on Groupon, Meetup, or Social Media such as the spa, kayaking, sky diving, workout groups, writing clubs, speaking clubs, car shows, football games, basketball games, open mics, the beach, art classes, etc. Write a list of things you like to do, find out if it is in your area and go for it.
Spend time alone.
Spending time alone is always a good moment to discover the hidden voice living within you. Have you ever noticed how loud silence can be? Am I the only one who notices every thought that comes to mind when I get a moment to be alone? When we take out time for ourselves, we get so much completed. Not only that, but we also learn a few things about ourselves. Don’t be afraid to go places by yourself such as the movies, the mall, the beach, a restaurant, a get together, church, etc. UNLESS you live in a dangerous community, be wise and take someone with you. If you are in tune with God deep enough, this is where you will hear Him as He guides your footsteps.
Read books or blogs about the single lifestyle. And if you think you are ready, read books and blogs about marriage. Also watch wise YouTube videos about marriage. Do not covet others and expect your marriage to turn out JUST LIKE THEIRS. Most of all, gain knowledge about the things you like to do or a lifestyle that you are seeking to pursue. For instance, I gain inspiration from my subscriptions on YouTube so that I can better my talent and gifts.
It is important to find ourselves and gain knowledge while we have time because this is our opportunity to grow without extra weight on our shoulders. Here are a few resources that have given me insight, blessed my soul, and occupied my time:
- The Bible – daily meditation
- The New Consecrated Cocoon by Ann Thomas – a powerful Christian-based awakening after my breakup
- Instinct by T.D. Jakes – confirmation about my spirit and purpose
- The Power Playbook by La La Anthony – motivation to pursue
- Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggrichs – preparation for marriage
- Sweet Potato Soul – Vegan Lifestyle and Cooking Recipes
- Heather and Cornelius Lindsey – Christian Leaders; represents healthy marriage
- P4CM – Christian lifestyle and poetry
The list goes on!
This is the time of our lives where we are not containing more than we can bare. If you do not have any children, then you may not have much of a responsibility in your household (this varies). Think of it like this, we are running a 400 meter race with opposition that we have the power to overcome! We have the freedom to continue to move forward in our ultimate purpose! What holds us back are excuses, fear, doubt, and uncertainty. Pray for God to order your footsteps, set goals, create a vision board, and soar.
Remember the business you dream to start? What about the book you’ve always said you would publish? How about the ministry that God is calling you to? Don’t forget about the diet you keep pushing off. Didn’t you set a goal to go back to school?
Don’t give up on yourself. God has graced you in this time of your life! Don’t keep putting off the beginning of your milestones. Growth pains hurt but they are well worth the risk. There is much time at your hands. So get stepping to tasks that you should have completed a long time ago. Distractions will come and failures will set us back; however, do not allow them to deter you from what God has set in your life to bring into fruition!
So, you think you are ready?
If you desire to have a Godly marriage with your spouse (like I do), then you might find these nuts and bolts helpful and necessary to know before and after we say “I do“. After reading books and scriptures about marriage, observing couples, hearing people’s testimonies, and watching marriage based videos, I have discovered various facts about it. Once we are officially married to our spouse, we enter a new level in life. We learn personal things about each other that we did not see before moving in. So before you lose your mind about falling in love and finding the “perfect” one, use your season of single-hood wisely by learning a little something about marriage.
While waiting, remember that marriage is a responsibility. Though marriage may look razzle-dazzle on the outside in our friends’ pictures, movie screens, and in Social Media, marriage actually contains more to it than we think. It is no longer about YOU. You are no longer taking the weight of one person (yourself), but you are taking on the weight of two people (your spouse and yourself). It is an “us” thing for the rest of your life. When kids come along, both parents are held responsible for the way they are raised. From their actions to the way they dress, children develop their character based on their environment. After all, they are the offspring of you and your spouse.
In marriage, you will learn about submission – for wives, this means to yield to your husband (Eph. 5:22-33); we no longer take the wheel in every situation. After all, he is the MAN of the home. Broadly speaking, he will be the one who takes care of the burglaries, most of the maintenance, car repairs, yard work (sometimes), plumbing, and all of the other manly-man duties. For husbands, the wife is the help meet. She will be your personal cheerleader, motivation, planner, shoulder to cry on during rough times, organizer, and balance of the home (and vise-versa).
Marriage also involves accountability – will you take responsibility for your actions instead of blaming situations on each other? Are the two of you committed as you claim to be? When it comes to making opportunities, it is also important that the two of you come together to make the final decision. One cannot do without the other. Why? Because once you said, “I do”, the two of you have become one flesh (Mark 10:8).
Last but not least, marriage contains privacy – what goes on in the home, STAYS IN THE HOME! Getting mommy and daddy involved may cause conflict and longevity of bad impressions left on their daughter-in-law or son-in-law. Not only that but single friends may cause havoc in your marriage. Who knows what envy they have deep within? Not everybody is what they appear to be in your life. Unless your spouse is abusing you, then of course, CALL ON SOMEBODY! But to save your marriage from falling a part, seek Godly counseling. Wherever He leads you, go and seek help from a professional who desires to keep your marriage together just as much as you and your spouse. Other than counseling, privacy is the respected policy.
There are many other responsibilities during marriage; I have only selected what I have discovered to be very important. Marriage is sacred and it is union that God cherishes; it is meant to last until death due us part. Why rush? I know our hormones can run wild during single-hood, but we ought to practice self-control and save what is precious and valuable for one who truly deserves it; the one who is purposed to receive it.
It may take you a few break ups and bumps in the road to finally notice that someone is not meant to live a lifetime with you. However, when your time comes, the Holy Spirit will remind you of what you have always prayed for even though you did not speak of your prayers to anyone. Our spouse comes when we may least expect it. But somehow, God will have us to naturally gravitate towards him/her. As for now, let us remain occupied with living in our purpose.
Let us not be weary in well doing,
for in due season we shall reap,
if we faint not.
Always know that you are Chosen, you are Royal, you are Holy, and you are God’s Special Possession.
He has turned your darkness into light.
~* 1 Peter 2:9*~